Beginnings and endings
This morning my sister in law gave birth to her second daughter. She was about a week overdue, and then yesterday afternoon texted us to let us know she thought she was in labour. It was all very exciting. Then, around 1am this morning we got another text announcing the baby was born.
Call me grumpy (and also call me pregnant, exhausted, and insomniac to get the full picture) but I probably could have waited till the morning to find out. Sure, we went to sleep wondering how she was doing, but we were asleep, you know? We weren’t hovering near the phone or pacing the floor, and we already knew she was having a girl. (I’ll certainly wait till the morning to tell people.) But I understand, this is immense, it’s wonderful, we’re so happy for her, so we went, “Aww,” and tried to go back to sleep. Which in my case involves a lot of tossing and turning and trips to the toilet. (Do I need to go? How about now? Dammit, how can I need to go again?)
I could definitely have done without the second text an hour later with a photo attached. Yep, it’s a baby! Looks pretty much the same as the photo of her friend’s baby she showed me on the weekend! Look, I am just not maternal. I am really hoping that everyone who says it’s different when it’s your own is right, though on the other hand I don’t want to turn into a squeaky babytalking ball of goo, I do that enough with the budgie as it is.
Shortly after the second text I realised that crap, this is going to be us in less than four months, and I told Dave, and then neither of us got anymore sleep. This is why my phone doesn’t make a noise for texts.
But I am really happy that baby girl Name To Be Determined is with us at last, and I’m really looking forward to going and seeing her tomorrow night. Hey, at least there’s someone for me to watch and learn from over the next few months because seriously, about babies I have no idea.
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And then this morning I got an email from a good girlfriend. I’ve known her for almost 12 years, we met when I did Jenny Craig and she was my consultant, and I used to distract her when I hadn’t lost any weight by talking about books. We haven’t seen much of each other in the last 8 years, after I moved to London in 2001 we discovered we were both really crappy at emailing, but I still consider her really close. In 2003 I was her bridesmaid, I came back for it specially, and I was so honoured that she chose me over people she’d known longer and spent more time with. She was my bridesmaid earlier this year, and then she moved straight up to Queensland with her husband. I couldn’t get mad at her because hey, I went across the world, she was still only a few hours away.
Anyway, over the last couple of months we hadn’t spoken or emailed, both still being crappy at it, but it was her birthday on the weekend so I thought I’d better email and also tell her all the news of the last few months (including the pregnancy). And this morning she wrote back and told me she and her husband had separated. She was sorry that she hadn’t been in touch to tell me sooner but she hadn’t wanted to tell me while I was still in the honeymoon period. And it’s just so sad. Partly because they were such a great couple, so loving and relaxed that I thought they’d make it for sure (but who knows, what with the stress of moving and losing their dog and whatever else goes on between couples) but also mostly because I wish I’d been there for her. If I’d not procrastinated on emailing her she might have told me sooner, and I could have helped. God knows, I know how it feels; my first marriage broke up one week before I went on the 3-month London business trip that ended up taking over 7 years, so I know what she’s been going through. And I might be bad at emailing but I’m really good at empathising and helping people, and I wish I’d done it for her. I guess I am still a really shitty friend.
But, she emailed me now, and she says she’s feeling good now and excited about the future, and possibly travelling overseas. And then she mentioned the new Katherine Kerr book and asked if I’d read it, so I’m going to write back and say no but I bought it for mum for Christmas, and then I’m going to talk about other books and what it was like going overseas, and I am damn well going to be there for her and be a better friend than I have been lately.
I love you, Tam.