Not.
We went home to visit my mother on the weekend. It did not go well. The same arguments, the same utter conviction that I am completely wrong. I can cope with us having different viewpoints on topics, even when the topic is our relationship. It’s inevitable, we’re coming from opposite sides, of course we see it differently. But I would like to discuss it, find out why she thinks one way and explain why I think another, and she won’t. I am just wrong. More, I am just bad, and everything that is wrong is down to me.
(And then the screaming starts.)
I spent years believing her. I still do, really. I think I’m bad and worthless and I can’t imagine why Dave wants to be with me. He’s a smart guy, right? Why is he still here? I must be fooling him somehow. Then he says, I’ve lived with you for the past five years and she barely knows you, who do you think is right? And I almost believe him. Almost.
It was so much easier when we lived overseas.
I’m feeling pretty sad right now. But I’ll be okay in a bit.
yoo hoo? you’re a 30 year old woman. you don’t need mommy’s approval any more. time to grow up and stand on your own 2 feet. It does’t matter what your mother thinks or says anymore. Why are you permitting yourself to be a victim? Go rent the movie ‘Now, Voyager’ with Bette Davis and you’ll see what I mean.
First off, I think you’re grand! But more important, you know, deep down inside that you’re grand also!
From here on in, next time, calmly explain to your mother that you will no longer be visiting her unless she is civil. If she starts to raise her voice, walk out and go back to your own home. You don’t need her anymore and babydoll, she knows it. That’s the reason why she picks fights with you, yells, etc. because that is the way a mother gets control over her children.
Don’t let her do it nor get away with it!
Do not be afraid.
Parents can be mean things sometimes. it’s awful what they do to their children. Please don’t fall for it. Know that it is your mother who has the problem. it is NOT you.
I think you’re wonderful. But you don’t need any one else’s approval. it’s your life. Go, enjoy it!
morrison
2 Feb 10 at 1:30 am