Not My Mother

I am so bored today. Bored bored bored. I should be working (as per my July resolution), but where is my focus? Our project has been abruptly put on hold so no one cares anymore, they are all too busy wondering what the hell they will be doing. Still, I am too obviously doing nothing. I’ve still got a shitload of code issues I can fix, so why aren’t I doing them? I love coding. And yet, here I sit, being aimless.
Worse, because I am bored, I eat. And I am bad tempered, especially with the lovely Dave who does not deserve it. Must focus!
Today I am 3 weeks exactly away from being 38. How the hell did that happen? I still feel like I should only be about 23. I wish I was; life was so much simpler then, I didn’t worry about my financial future, what I’d do with my life if it wasn’t this, or be kept awake by unsent emails. I was just… happy. Although I have a feeling if I read my diary from back then, I might discover a different story. I wonder what the next year will bring me? Will I still have a job? Will we (cue hyperventilating) have a baby? Will I ever finish organising the damn cupboards?
I’m warning you though, someone better get a move on with inventing a time machine because turning 40 is not fucking happening.
I had a $50 gift voucher from Sussan that was about to expire, so at lunchtime I went down and spent it on two pairs of flannel pyjama bottoms. Having fresh new nightwear always makes me feel rich, possibly because I spend most of my time at home wearing a scummy mismatch of things. One pair is boring pink stripes but the other is red tartan with the most ridiculously wide legs (I suspect they don’t taper from my ridiculously wide backside, but let’s not dwell on that). Both are far too long. The tartan ones make me look like Bill Oddie from the Goodies so I had to get them. I can’t wait to hear what Dave says.

So my first go at budgeting my lunch money worked brilliantly and I ended the fortnight with $19 left in my special little purse. There were a couple of days where I brought lunch in from home and for most others spent under budget, but then towards the end I had a couple of blowout days where I bought coffee AND a muffin and a sandwich AND a drink, oh and I also discovered the chocolate cupboard on this floor (dammit), so I could have been a lot better but for a first attempt I was really pleased to do so well. Go me! 

The challenge now is going to be to continue on like this without getting bored or slipping every day. Same as with diets, where I start off really well and then one day have a mars bar but the world doesn’t end, so I get complacent and next thing you know it’s All Mars Bar, All The Time. But! Playing with money is like a game to me, whereas staying off chocolates is just mean! Surely I can find fun ways to keep this interesting for a bit longer? 

It also had an interesting side effect on my other spending. See, because of the separating the lunch money I knew exactly how much else I could spend on fripperies for the rest of the week. But I didn’t want to spend it! There were a couple of times I thought about going ot to buy something (some organiser boxes from Big W, a magazine or two) but I thought, is it really worth it? Do I need it right now? Wouldn’t it be nicer to pay a bit extra off what I owe instead? And I generally would let it go. I did buy a lovely notebook and pencil case from my friend Shannon’s etsy shop, and I had a haircut but that was about it. And from now on I’ll put a bit aside each fortnight for the haircut.

Of course, it wasn’t all high discipline. On Monday I was congratulating myself about doing so well, and then the next minute I was thinking “Hmm, maybe at lunchtime I should pop out and see if there are any nice shoes?” I do not need any new shoes! So there is still work to be done.

On the plus side: I think this will end up being a game, like it was in London when I had to dig myself out of debt. On the minus side, I don’t like going into shops if there is absolutely zero chance I will let myself buy, and there is not a lot to do at lunchtime if you don’t shop. Even just going for a walk needs somewhere to walk to.

Today it is a new month, and the beginning of a whole new financial year. And I am going to have a brilliant month. I will be happy, and organised, and calm. I will make good choices. I will eat well, and exercise, and be focused at work. I will smile. I will enjoy every day. I will be a better me.