I’ve been in a funk all week since I went back to work. I’ve recently started moving into a new area at work because my old job isn’t there anymore and it’s not going well. I just feel like I’m not doing a good job, I’ll never do a good job, and I might as well give up and quit. Except I can’t afford to quit. I can’t even afford to be made redundant, not really. Oh, to win tattslotto or come into a massive inheritance. Sigh.
On Tuesday we had a presentation from this new whizzbang training area work’s set up. It’s all very high tech, fancy lights and projections on walls, and I’m sure they’re using all the latest tricks to help enhance the learning experience. All the things you hear cutting edge companies do, and it makes you mad that you can’t work in a place like Google or Apple or somewhere that makes you work hard, but treats you so well you wouldn’t want to do otherwise. Because you feel appreciated, what a concept. I’ve always wished our work would do that, but now they are I’m wondering, how much did all that cost, getting all those white milk crates to build the walls of that training room (seriously)? When we’re in a recession and always being told our costs too high. I wouldn’t mind if I thought the “cultural shift” they talked about would actually take hold, but I think it’s going to be another of those things that are flavour of the month for a while and then everyone just loses interest.
Ooh, get me and my cynicism.
In the presentation they said, this is going to be for our star achievers, and it sounds like it’s all leadership coaching for managers and executives and stuff. And I thought, I wish I was one of their star players. And then I thought, I used to be, when did that change? I was always top at high school, I live for praise for christ’s sake, when did I stop trying? When it got too hard at uni? But I was good when I first started as well. How did I get here? Where did this cynicism come from? And I really really wanted to stop it and get back to being brilliant again. I wonder if I can, so another thing to put on my list.
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In other news, I caught up with my friend! After feeling bad for the past week and promising myself I’d email, he ended up contacting me. Which is always the way. We had a really good chat and laugh over a coffee.It turned out he’d been on holiday for two weeks so it hadn’t been that bad, we’d really only been out of contact for a couple of weeks, not a month or more. Still, the point remains, I didn’t know he was away and I didn’t get in touch.
Must. Do. Better.
Also, another place I do badly with contacting-wise? Email and comments. I’ve had some lovely contents on this blog (and a hell of a lot of spam) and I have not responded to all of it. Partly I’m not sure HOW to respond; my last blog is on Livejournal and it’s easy to respond to comments there. Out here in the open internet? Not sure of protocol. Do you expect a response to comments? By email? Anyway, you’ve said some lovely things and I feel like I should reply, and so I should. Sorry about that.
Remember: Must. Do. Better.